為女朋友做的45件事~轉
1.向新朋友介紹女友時，請摟著她的腰，而不是站在一旁用手指點。
2.在街上遇見美女凝視時間不超過5秒，並迅速指出那位美女與她相比較的美中不足。
3.如果她做錯了事，心裏已經很難過，請主動承擔起你應該甚至不應該承擔的責任 。
4.聽女友話的男人才會有出息，所以，你要乖乖聽她的話。
5.她可以欺負你，但你絕對不可以欺負她，因為她雖然欺負你,但是每次有什麼好東西,她第一個想到的就是你!
6.要是她朝你哭,你要不厭其煩地哄她,直到她破涕為笑！
7.把她的照片貼在錢包，手機...一切經常看到的地方。
8.離開她絕對不超過十天以上。
9.在她的朋友面前，希望你可以表現得比平時更疼愛她和緊張她的樣子。
10.大男人不等於霸道。
11.溫柔不等於沒主見。
12.瀟灑不等於沒交代。
13..不要老是在我問她「去那裏比較好」，「吃什麼」等等的時候說"隨便"，這不等於是你在遷就她，只表示你沒有心思搭理她。
14.要經常對她說"我愛妳"，否則她會假設你不愛她。
15.永遠不要在公眾場合對她呼呼吼吼又或是撇下她一人。
16.她做錯事情的時候教訓她不要緊，最重要的是在那之後要哄她。
17.發脾氣時不要不理她，不要給時間她讓她冷靜，其實她完全不需要時間冷靜。
18.可以陪自己的朋友，但一定要重色輕友。
19.她看動畫片，你不但不准笑話她，還要跟她一起看。
20.在她想你時，擠出時間與她約會。
21.看她的眼神無比專注 。
22.說話的語氣情深意長 。
23.能做到客觀的得看到其他優秀的女孩，但主觀認為她才是最好的。
24.有女孩和你說話，你要拉著她的手，如果她恰巧不在旁邊，那麼請你跟她們保持距離。
25.過馬路的時候牽著她的手。
26.要懂得珍惜和她在一起的每分鐘
27.就算再忙，每天都不忘打一個問候的電話 。
28.要常常唱情歌給她聽。
29.兩個人都有發火的權利，但不能同一天,如果那一天她發火了，那你就不可以發火了。
30.女友生活中不順心，你要循循善誘、幫忙分析，提出建設性方案若干。
31.要非常愛你的女友---她，堅決擁護女友的決定，服從女友的領導。
32..留意其他女生不得超過5秒鐘，看同一女生累計不得超過5次
33.即使全世界的人都不相信她，你也要無條件相信她。因為她也會同樣對你。
34.她穿了好看的衣服，你要衷心讚美。
35.嚴禁在女士（3歲-80歲）面前耍貧，放電。若有違反，視情節嚴重程度，由女友從嚴、從快進行嚴厲打擊，任何人、任何形式的狡辯，抵賴都將按妨礙司法公正論處。
36.不抽煙。一經發現立即開除。
37.與女友吵架每次陳述不得超過3分鐘（含），音量不得超過20分貝（含）。
38.要加強鍛煉，強健身體,一口氣抱她上到五樓
39. 在她心情遭透，蠻橫發脾氣的時候，抱抱她，而不是和她理論。
40.希望不會出現手機沒電而她又沒有其他辦法聯繫到你的現象，如果能頻頻主動打電話告訴她「我想你了」並隨時彙報行蹤則更好。
41.她身上有很多缺點，她已經夠苦惱了，請不必隨時向她提醒。
42.女友不講理是撒嬌而不是撒野。
43.她所有的事情都好想跟你分享、雖然你不一定會明白但是希望你會裝做你在聽。
44.最重要的一點：要永遠認為女友是對的。因為，她是最愛你的。
45.聽某嘴，大富貴。
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眾女生們...請問這是真的嗎??
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Sunday, June 18, 2006
45 things you do for your boy
1. When introducing your boy to your friends, please hold his hand and not point him out from afar.2. Don't stare at other guys on the street for more than 5 seconds nor smile at them. Cute soccer players on TV are excused.
3. If he makes a mistake, tell him about it instead of leaving him guessing . (As we all know we will get angry if he guesses wrongly.)
4. Listen to him and "give him face" when in the company of friends.
5. Let me know that it's okie if you bully him, cox you are the only one who will mean him no real harm, and you are really trying to get his attention.
6. Show concern if he appears sad/troubled. But if he says he's fine, let him be. (He'll tell you when it's time). In the meanwhile, be specially sweet and attentive.
7. Keep his photo in your wallet, friendster, msn and everywhere visible.
It's a sign of adoring love (and also you are taken).
8.Don't leave him alone for more than 3 days. If he's sick, don't leave him alone for than 3 hours.
9. Be caring and sweet in the presence of his friends. Make him proud.
10. Allow him to show his chauvinistic side once in a while ( that can be really macho.)
11. Be gentle yet strong.
12. Be independent yet responsible (at least let him know when you are coming back at 3am.)
13. Make decisions when he leaves it up to you. (like where to eat and so forth.)
14. Tell him you love him.
15. Never kick up a fuss in public.
16. If in the wrong, do apologise. You'll be forgiven.
17. Try...try very hard to say what you mean. I.e. if you want him to call, at least avoid saying "Leave me alone."
18. Give him space to be with his friends. But remind him that you're the priority if he has to choose.
19. Learn to appreciate things he likes however alien it may sound - foreign movies, soccer , IT . . .
20. Date him.
21. Give him wholehearted attention when speaking to him, in person or over the phone.
22. Always speak to him in an adoringly fashion.
23. Never speak of your ex-boyfriends or other guys in a way that would make them appear more superior than him.
24. If other guys make their advances, you must hold his hand if he's with you. If he's not around, rule is to keep your distance.
25. Wait for him to hold your hand and help you cross the road safely.
26. Treasure every second with him.
27. However busy, give him a call at least once a day to show him you are thinking of him.
28. If you need to talk, but he is busy, go talk to your girl friends, blog or something.
29. If he has had a bad day, try not to bog him down with details of yours as well. After all, he's always the one who listens to your problems and gives you advice.
30. You might not know how to advise him when he tells you his problems but do your part to make his life easier by lessening your usual demands.
31. Love him.
32. Trust him.
33. Be faithful.
34. Praise him when he has done right things. Positive reinforcement.
35. Don't stop maintaining your appearance.
36. Don't smoke.
37. Don't take him for granted.
38. Don't fight and be angry with him for over 1 day and don't fight more than once a month.
39. Don't put on too much weight else it's difficult to ask him to carry you when your heels are hurting.
40. Try not to avoid more than 10 missed calls a day.
41. Buy something for him when you are on a shopping spree (and you've already bought 5 things for yourself).
42. Avoid comparing his shortcomings with your friend's boyfriends and highlight his strengths as often as possible.
43. Though you are always right, let him win once in a while.
44. Help him score points in front of your parents.
45. Always remember that he loves you.
So what do you think ladies?
Saturday, June 17, 2006
White Roses
Since young, I've always find it a challenge understanding why a wake needs to be held. Having grown up in a HDB environment, thereby having a fair exposure to chinese wakes only intensifies the mystery.
I can certainly recall my sentiments after a certain English/Literature lesson involving poems about death and such. I recalled telling myself and my peers that next time when it comes to my turn, regardless of my religion, please allow me to go in peace and spare me the priests and the chants, the smoke and the incense. Just give me some light jazz and white roses ...that should suffice.
As I grow up, I do hear a few varying suggestions. A funeral is not so much for the dead but for the living. To a certain extent I can imagine, the fact that your friends are there to give you the support. Still, to me, that can happen anywhere, not necessary at a wake.
So my conclusion is that a wake has to be for the dead.
But what good does it make when friends come to pay their last respects after they see the obitruary? Doesn't it make more sense if the obitruary comes on when you are still around, saying something like " To you my dear friends, I might be gone in a while. Unlike the normal obitruary, I would invite you to visit me when I am still around. Would be nice. Hope to see you. "
Think it would be hard for me to tell my parents that this is my game plan. Far too morbid and taboo I think. So thought I would share it here on the blog. At least there's some documentation of my wishes in future. However, pls do not be alarmed, this certainly does not constitute any suicidal inclination of such. Just wanted to be a control freak as per normal.
But seriously, the typical wake is too much hassle, too much noise...think going in peace should be taken literally in this sense.
So no mahjong and no big crowds, no hanging blankets and no noise please. Just give me my white roses and my favourite old school jazz. Even if a wake need to take place, pray put all my nicest pictures like an exhibition so I can be remembered in my finest moments and not that ugly IC photo yeah.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Happy Birthday Girl!!
Am so full that I cannot sleep. Maybe I will watch the opening match. Anyway, here are some pictures to commemorate the joyful occasion.Happy Birthday dear girl!!!
Friday, May 26, 2006
4 teeth less, and none the richer
A horrified friend recently proclaimed that I definitely have something against my teeth. oh well, maybe yes, maybe no, but since they got in the way and represented a threat they must be removed. Perhaps it's just that mine get in the way more often than others'.
8 little annoying individuals , all taken out *finally!*.
Not all at once of course, mind you, even I dare not dream of being so gungho. It 4 on the Tuesday that just passed, in addition to the 4 removed years ago to make way for my braces.
So here I am, and have been, at home for the last 4 days with my chipmunk face, refusing to step out of the house lest I scare little children to tears. hahahah. Didn't go to NDC in the end - I chickened out. Went to private dentist instead, which didn't cost that much more. But I think the dentist screwed up slightly with the LA on my right cheek, since it hurt when he tried to pull out my teeth on the right side even after the LA injections (since the jabs already hurt like mad, and mind you I felt every single one of those blasted jabs into my cheek and gums - there were a total of like, 5 per side?, the pulling shouldn't be hurting right???. Could also feel that he was using a lot of pressure again my jaw, like he was wrestling with my teeth. I was probably shaking after that, coz i could hear my teeth chattering against the metal equipment he was using to sew my gums up. Heh, I nearly decided to do the left side another day, but didn't, and thank goodness the left side was much less eventful than the right...
It's always a torture when dinner smells waft up to my room these last few days (because I know I can't eat any of it). But it's great when a creative dentist tells you that yoghurt and ice-cream and chocolate (i think) are nutritious (they are diary products after all) and there is no reason why I shouldn't be eating them at this time *whee!!!!*. Haha.. not the private dentist but one of the 3 I saw before. hahah, and best of all, Ed turned up at my house with ice cream, chocolate, boxes of Campbell soup, Vitagen and Meiji yoghurt the day I got my teeth taken out. Heh. I think I'm really easy to please man ;p
A liquid diet is a great way to lose weight, should try one day, you all... hahahah.
Anyway, heard about Andy's party, sorry I can't turn up (it's a vanity issue so pls forgive me ;P ). Hope you gals have fun, and see you all soon!
8 little annoying individuals , all taken out *finally!*.
Not all at once of course, mind you, even I dare not dream of being so gungho. It 4 on the Tuesday that just passed, in addition to the 4 removed years ago to make way for my braces.
So here I am, and have been, at home for the last 4 days with my chipmunk face, refusing to step out of the house lest I scare little children to tears. hahahah. Didn't go to NDC in the end - I chickened out. Went to private dentist instead, which didn't cost that much more. But I think the dentist screwed up slightly with the LA on my right cheek, since it hurt when he tried to pull out my teeth on the right side even after the LA injections (since the jabs already hurt like mad, and mind you I felt every single one of those blasted jabs into my cheek and gums - there were a total of like, 5 per side?, the pulling shouldn't be hurting right???. Could also feel that he was using a lot of pressure again my jaw, like he was wrestling with my teeth. I was probably shaking after that, coz i could hear my teeth chattering against the metal equipment he was using to sew my gums up. Heh, I nearly decided to do the left side another day, but didn't, and thank goodness the left side was much less eventful than the right...
It's always a torture when dinner smells waft up to my room these last few days (because I know I can't eat any of it). But it's great when a creative dentist tells you that yoghurt and ice-cream and chocolate (i think) are nutritious (they are diary products after all) and there is no reason why I shouldn't be eating them at this time *whee!!!!*. Haha.. not the private dentist but one of the 3 I saw before. hahah, and best of all, Ed turned up at my house with ice cream, chocolate, boxes of Campbell soup, Vitagen and Meiji yoghurt the day I got my teeth taken out. Heh. I think I'm really easy to please man ;p
A liquid diet is a great way to lose weight, should try one day, you all... hahahah.
Anyway, heard about Andy's party, sorry I can't turn up (it's a vanity issue so pls forgive me ;P ). Hope you gals have fun, and see you all soon!
Sunday, May 14, 2006
great music
Dear frens, this is great stuff. Go check it out
http://www.oebase.com/radio/band_radio.asp?bandClient=pinkmartini&band=Pink%20Martini%20Radio&color=darkRed
http://www.oebase.com/radio/band_radio.asp?bandClient=pinkmartini&band=Pink%20Martini%20Radio&color=darkRed
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
istanbul anyone???
got bitten by the travel bug once again and this time the craving is for exotic middleeaster/mediterrenean fare...
any takers? we will visit the land of ali baba, get our very own genies ( mine will have handsome dark brooding looks with deep aqua marine eyes, not too bluffy just lean), fly some magic carpets or just sing a whole new world again and again, smoke a shisa or two and our mot du jour would be "acrcadebra" (how do u spell this thing? or "open sesame"...
mid june will be good time or ???
any takers? we will visit the land of ali baba, get our very own genies ( mine will have handsome dark brooding looks with deep aqua marine eyes, not too bluffy just lean), fly some magic carpets or just sing a whole new world again and again, smoke a shisa or two and our mot du jour would be "acrcadebra" (how do u spell this thing? or "open sesame"...
mid june will be good time or ???
Thursday, April 20, 2006
what is the deal with democracy?
With the general elections coming, it seems to many that the elections is just a farce acted out to give a semblance of democracy and its most critical element; that of representation by elections. Cool young arm chair wannabe dissidents like myself start heated debates about how the PAP is just trying to drown out opposition voice, redrawing electoral boundaries to their advantage blah blah...cool young arm chair wannabes who talk this over a cup of $6.50 Starbucks frappe in the coolest part of town after work/school and the next day go back into the very same comfortable material life that have been created by the very governments that they criticise because due to them, we do not have freedom of press while maybe free speech really does a lot of good when u have nothing to eat.
So why bother with elections at all? Because the whole says that "democracy is good". The world? Perhaps our worldview is a little too narrow, the world does consist much more that just the Europeans and the Americans way of life. Things, mentality of other non western worlds that we have no clue about. Democracy, it becomes a word we repeat with no clue of whether it is right or wrong or good or bad. Iran is bad...why? Because they are not democratic, Singapore government is bad. Why? Because it does not have serious democratic elections. American, well that is a real example of good democracy...really? I do not know, I have not lived there. This is really not a post to deride democracy but guess it is a manifest of frustration of the senseless usage of democracy as a facade to hide real intentions or to manipulate poor idealists. Not only that but there are many fundamentals in ways of life, cultures, society where these fundamentals exist and I will term them as social "truths", u never question them or risk not fitting in. That’s the way of humans. I rest my case.
So why bother with elections at all? Because the whole says that "democracy is good". The world? Perhaps our worldview is a little too narrow, the world does consist much more that just the Europeans and the Americans way of life. Things, mentality of other non western worlds that we have no clue about. Democracy, it becomes a word we repeat with no clue of whether it is right or wrong or good or bad. Iran is bad...why? Because they are not democratic, Singapore government is bad. Why? Because it does not have serious democratic elections. American, well that is a real example of good democracy...really? I do not know, I have not lived there. This is really not a post to deride democracy but guess it is a manifest of frustration of the senseless usage of democracy as a facade to hide real intentions or to manipulate poor idealists. Not only that but there are many fundamentals in ways of life, cultures, society where these fundamentals exist and I will term them as social "truths", u never question them or risk not fitting in. That’s the way of humans. I rest my case.
Friday, April 14, 2006
I was reminded
Thanks to Gis' invitation to the premiere (to be an usher), I was reminded of the show I was reminding myself to watch out for - Singapore Dreaming. I first saw it on the website tackingcock.com and I was particularly curious to see what it was all about... is it going to be something like True talkingcock style or is it going to be more like the local Jack Neo movies? And guess the main reason for my interest is because one of the directors was my sec sch teacher.
As I went to the movie website, my attn was brought to the article that inspired the show - Paved with good intentioms. I read it and it all came back to me ... how I was inspired by it when I read it a few years back. Hence, have decided to share it with you my dear frens.
If you have no time, you could simply skip to the words highlighted in purple, think it sums up the article very well and very simply. But I strongly recommend that all should read it.
I saw on news some interviews with 10 men on the street. They were asked the question, "how concerned are you with the elections?" Not surprisingly, none expressed much interest. Some tried hard to think of a politically correct and not-so-nonchalent answer ... " as long as the gahmen takes care of us .... think abt our welfare" .. The compere rounded up the show by saying perhaps we would feel more interest from the younger voters nearer to the elections. I suspect this is what you get from a Plan isn't it?
In an interview with some school kids, one girl brought up " I think/some people think the party is quite arrogant" . The response came back "if we were arrogant, would we be talking to you now?"
Stark contrast to the above ... however, after more of such forums, I wonder - will she become more like a planner or a dreamer?
As I went to the movie website, my attn was brought to the article that inspired the show - Paved with good intentioms. I read it and it all came back to me ... how I was inspired by it when I read it a few years back. Hence, have decided to share it with you my dear frens.
If you have no time, you could simply skip to the words highlighted in purple, think it sums up the article very well and very simply. But I strongly recommend that all should read it.
I saw on news some interviews with 10 men on the street. They were asked the question, "how concerned are you with the elections?" Not surprisingly, none expressed much interest. Some tried hard to think of a politically correct and not-so-nonchalent answer ... " as long as the gahmen takes care of us .... think abt our welfare" .. The compere rounded up the show by saying perhaps we would feel more interest from the younger voters nearer to the elections. I suspect this is what you get from a Plan isn't it?
In an interview with some school kids, one girl brought up " I think/some people think the party is quite arrogant" . The response came back "if we were arrogant, would we be talking to you now?"
Stark contrast to the above ... however, after more of such forums, I wonder - will she become more like a planner or a dreamer?
Singapore Dreaming
The following essay was written for Singaporeans Exposed: Navigating the Ins and Outs of Globalisation (published to commemorate the 10th Anniversary of the Singapore International Foundation, 2001, Landmark Books)
PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS:How living in New York has illuminated for us the difference between the Singaporean Dream and the Singaporean PlanBy Colin Goh & Joyceln Woo Yen Yen
Former lawyer turned writer/cartoonist Colin Goh and educator Joyceln Woo are married and have been living in New York for the past three years.
COLIN & JOYCELN: We fell in love and in June 1998, we got married - true Singaporean style. The studio photography, the clothes, church, the dinner and the hundred of guests that we had never met before. What happened to us after that was not so typically Singaporean. Here are our stories.
JOYCELN: As a child, I could never sleep the night before the first day of school. The night before my first day of teaching was no different. I didn’t know what to expect but I knew that I was going to help kids learn, be the best teacher, and make a difference.
At my first staff meeting, the principal screened an image familiar to all new schoolteachers - the Prism. Like a magical crystal ball, the Prism told many things. It could predict how well students entering secondary school with 4 subjects at PSLE would do for the ‘O’ levels. With the Prism, we could evaluate each student’s potential grade in literature based on his/her PSLE grades and then tell if our school had “added value” to the child’s education.
Looking into the Prism, the principal announced that while she was concerned about the various aspects of development - Intellectual, Aesthetic, Moral, and Physical - “This year, our school will focus on the Intellectual.” By this, she meant that as teachers, we should all ensure that we stretched the potential of the students so that they performed “better than expected” at the ‘O’ levels. I noticed in the subsequent years that we never decided to focus on any other aspect of development. There was never an Aesthetic, Moral or Physical year.
The conversations in the staff room educated me considerably about the concerns of teachers.
“Oh, I heard you bought the new condo in Bukit Batok, that’s a good investment…”
“So which piano school are you sending your child to now?”
“Do you want to go buy diamonds with us, we are going to buy diamonds this afternoon.”
In my naïveté, this came as a shock. Why weren’t teachers talking about helping students learn or improving instruction?
And when they WERE talking about improving instruction, it was invariably:
“So what questions do you think will come out for this year’s ‘O’ levels?”
“Yes! Yes! I spotted the right questions!”
“You have to make sure your students write 5 ‘compositions’ and do 5 ‘comprehensions’ this semester.”
And when questions were asked, the answer was inevitably “Can’t change. That’s what the principal wants to see.”
The culture in the staff room was a mix of different groups:
· the Tai-Tais, women who had married well-off husbands, and who admired, respected and competed with each other for their Ferragamo shoes and Louis Vuitton bags.
· the few unmarried men who were mothered by the Tai-Tais as they were regarded as “good” men (i.e. hardworking and honest) but ironically insufficiently compelling marriage material (for why on earth would a functioning, virile, desirable man become a teacher?).
· the married men who usually lived in HDB flats (unlike the Tai-Tais and their non-teacher husbands), who generally kept to themselves.
· the older single women who were diligent in ensuring that all forms are handed in on time and helping students who need extra help get the preferred grades. They were usually more conservatively (and cheaply) dressed, and did not generally interact socially with the Tai-Tais.
· the expatriate teachers who were generally avoided by the other teachers and not expected to do very much because they either could not be trusted to do the work, were too difficult to communicate with, or were too troublesome to work with. And when they got together, they made plain their disdain for Singapore and its school system of which they were a part. Stereotypical as it may sound, those I’d met had invariably come to Singapore either to heal from a broken marriage (in which case, getting involved with a local woman usually came with the package), or had fled an unsuccessful career so they could return home and say, “I spent a few years in the Orient.”
· And the young teachers, bright-eyed and bushytailed, who believed they could make a difference, and who usually started out immensely popular with the students. They organized extra activities which they were not required to do, sat with students for long hours when they had problems, and generally tried to innovate with teaching. The Tai-Tais usually tried to matchmake the young single female teachers with single men they knew, but never the single male teachers. Seasoned teachers generally sat back and placed bets on when the neophytes would eventually burn out.
I didn’t know a single lazy teacher - everyone was extremely hardworking, taking work home, often physically running around as they hurried to different parts of the school. The teachers hardly had time to rest and reflect. It was as if we had been trained to work hard, but not to think.
What unites Secondary 4 teachers is the common goal of ensuring their students score well in the ‘O’ levels - preferably better in the subject that they teach rather than in another subject. Success is defined largely in terms of how many As produced in their class.
I remember one year distinctly - the school had done well in history and the Sec 4 history teacher was jumping up and down in glee, like she had won a war. On the other hand, the students hadn’t done as well in literature and the teacher was walking around with her head down, wishing that the bulletin board with the results didn’t place the teacher’s name next to the results of each class. While everyone congratulated the history teacher on doing well in spotting the right questions, we all didn’t know what to say to the literature teacher. We sort of patted her shoulder as if someone had died.
And for non-Sec 4 teachers, our overriding concern was assigning the required number of tests and exercises and grading them. Each semester, all our students had to submit binders containing their completed and graded assignments. And each semester, the teachers would spend several days of class time ensuring that the students had everything in place, as the submission of completed binders were a factor in a teacher’s evaluation. The binders would disappear for months because it would take the Head of Department that long to go through the binders and count how many assignments had been completed. It didn’t seem to matter if the teacher had taken 5 minutes to grade each composition or 30 minutes to make sure that the students received meaningful feedback. What was important was that the assignments were there.
I felt both angry and guilty that my idealism constantly came up against so many artificial obstacles. I felt that the obsession with bookkeeping and papering over any mistakes, real or perceived, allowed neither time nor space for innovation. Further, the mania to deliver standardized results trumped the notion of harnessing individual potential, of the teachers and the students.Worse, I felt I could not raise these issues. There was a culture of silence.
My experiences are not about bad principals or teachers in particular. It is about ways of being and seeing that represent to me, the Singapore legacy that I have inherited. The principals and teachers that I talked about are not to blame individually - it is just so difficult to be and to see otherwise in the busy-ness, routines, and duties of our everyday lives.
I decided to leave to pursue graduate studies. Teacher education in Singapore is tilted more to the vocational than the intellectual and I wanted the space, time and knowledge to help me articulate and frame what I was thinking and feeling. On a more pragmatic level, I knew that nobody took the feelings of groundling teachers seriously and that people would probably listen to me more if I had a doctorate. I was disappointed, but still hopeful.
COLIN: I remember my first visit to New York. I had just graduated in law from University College London, and had several months before I was scheduled to take the English bar exams. Where most of my friends had chosen to do attachments with Singaporean law firms with the prudent aim of acclimatizing themselves with the career-to-come, I was paralysed with a single, terrible thought: "These are the last few months I'll ever have to indulge my youthful passions."
In an impulsive moment, and much to my parents’ annoyance, I blew every last cent I had and wangled myself a place in a cartooning course at Manhattan's School of Visual Art. I had been cartooning for The New Paper for several years by then (my comic strip The Concrete Jungle continues to run in their august pages), but had no formal training.
I chose Manhattan because it was supposed to be the cynosure of the creative world, and most important of all, where Marvel and DC Comics had their headquarters. Where else would one study cartooning but in Spiderman's territory?
Those few months were the most mind-blowing of my life. By day, I was either sequestered in a musty studio sketching Brazilian women or wandering the varied New York neighbourhoods. By night, I hung out with the other residents of the international hostel I was staying at - a diverse crowd of students from Argentina to Kazakhstan and everywhere in between. I had always thought Singapore to be a model of diversity and cosmopolitan progress, but over countless milkshake-fueled discussions in East Village hangouts, I felt like the proverbial mountain tortoise.
It was also the first time I began to question the path I was about to take. I was meeting people who were taking chances and simply following the dictates of their passion, whether it was art, dance or securities.
I had studied law largely because it was often cited it as the next best thing after medicine, which I knew I'd be awful at. Besides, SM Lee was a lawyer. What better endorsement could a Singaporean have? Despite being a published cartoonist and writer by then, I never thought about a career in the arts. It was a completely nonexistent option.
What was worse was that my parents never forced me into law. I just read their minds, I guess. Besides, all my friends seemed to be doing it too. It was the Singaporean Dream.
I also remember in my first year in law school, my parents telling me about SM Lee's now seminal "If I were an undergraduate" speech, where he told JC students that were he a student now, he would not study law; he would be an engineer, join the civil service, then obtain an MBA and thereafter enter the private sector. SM Lee had switched from Coke to Pepsi. There was a New Dream.
For a moment, I thought, well, if I'm yesterday’s man, I might as well deviate from the path altogether. However, that year, the Singapore government decided it had too many lawyers and restricted the number of recognized overseas law schools. A rumour began spreading amongst the legal undergrad community that it wouldn't be long before they didn't recognize British qualifications altogether. We had to hurry and enter the Singapore workforce as soon as possible, before we were shut out. (As we now know, the rumour was unfounded, and Singapore now admits it needs more lawyers.)
Nevertheless, out of prudence, I shelved any thought of changing fields and became a barrister, then an advocate and solicitor of the Supreme Court of Singapore.
I joined a large law firm, again largely because it was commonly believed that it was good to bloody oneself in the trenches of the giants. I practiced shipping law, again an extremely prudent choice, what with our being the world's busiest port. Further, it was perceived as exciting because shipping lawyers often had to go out to sea to arrest ships. (In truth, arresting ships is not vastly different from what loansharks do when they hang pig's heads on debtors' doors.)
I had a decent, almost enviable, income. I had to keep telling myself that, because the lifestyle was neither decent nor enviable.Clients called me at 2 am in the morning. The High Court Registry nicknamed me "Mr. 5 O'Clock" because I regularly filed papers right under the guillotine, never of my own volition. My only pleasure was catching up on industry gossip while waiting in line to argue before the court registrars. There was not a single Chinese New Year holiday where I would not find myself in the office. My parents only caught fleeting glimpses of me early in the morning when I rushed to work, or late at night, when I stumbled in, surly and mentally exhausted. I saw Joyceln, then simply my girlfriend, for a few precious, stolen hours on Sundays.
But I had the job, and more important, the income. They brought me a measure of social acceptability. Parents' friends would nod approvingly, non-lawyer friends would remark how much lower their salaries were. I made enough to afford membership in a club I never had time to step into, and for season parking in town. I had credit cards and designer ties. I could share war stories about work that might have seemed glamourous to non-lawyer friends, weaned as they were on a diet of Ally McBeal. I was in the secure embrace of the Singaporean Dream.
My epiphany came as I was descending the gangway of a very large oil tanker. At a height of ten storeys or more, the gangway abruptly slipped its moorings and fell several feet. I found myself in mid air for several terrifying seconds. Luckily the crew managed to secure it again. As I retrieved my dropped manhood, I saw bits of the vessel fall into the sea below. If I had not held tight to the chains, I would be dead.
When I told my colleagues about it, no one batted an eyelid. It was simply one of the hazards of the job, like the long hours and the symbolic fellating of clients. Some even quipped, "Who says law isn't exciting?" But working late that night in the stale air of my office, surrounded by musty documents and lit by the sickly iridescence of my computer monitor, I knew I had to get out.My brush with death made me reflect on my life, as I suppose all encounters with the reaper must do. I realized I was unhappy. Not weeping-and-gnashing-of-teeth unhappy, just that dull ache of uninspiration. Yet, on paper, I should have been completely content.
My conviction was reinforced when I passed my boss's office and saw her toiling away. Much more senior, she was still keeping the crazy hours of a junior lawyer. She had a brilliant mind, equity in a giant and prestigious firm and a sizeable income, but I realized that I didn't aspire to her lifestyle. And she was by no means unique. If I did not aspire to be my boss, then what was the point? My life stretched before my eyes, and I did not want to take another step in its direction.
I then made a classic Singaporean evaluation: if I'm going to suffer, then by god, I'll suffer for more money. I figured American lawyers make the most money, so that's where I'll go. I decided the fastest way to do this would be to do a one year Master’s degree, preferably in an Ivy League university, since it would provide me ingress into the American market.
I spoke to Joyceln, and told her that the only place I wanted to go was New York, because I wanted to recapture a little of that energy I had felt years ago. Despite some reservations (New York has a not wholly undeserved reputation), we both applied to Columbia University, New York’s only Ivy League university. Miraculously, we were both accepted.
We quit our jobs, got married, emptied our bank accounts and left immediately.
JOYCELN: When applying to do my doctorate at Columbia's famous Teachers College, I spoke to several professors at the only education institution in Singapore to find out about possible financial support. I had intended to study curriculum and technology, and felt my experience teaching as well as a stint designing educational software in an IT firm would be valuable.
However, the door was abruptly slammed in my face when I was told over the phone, "If you are not in computer science, and not a first class graduate, there is nothing we need to talk about."
Perhaps spurred by anger, I worked like a demon at Teachers College and earned several academic awards, including a doctoral research fellowship which covered both tuition and a stipend, and came unencumbered by any bond, moral or otherwise. The myopia with which I had been treated had ironically turned out to be a blessing.
I even met with our Education Minister when he visited Teachers College. Of the questions he asked me, two stood out: "When are you going back to Singapore?" and "When are you going to have babies?" It hit me that I had never spoken to the Minister when I was teaching in Singapore. I wondered: am I valuable to the country only after I leave?
COLIN: Armed with a Masters from Columbia Law School and the grandiose title of "Harlan Fiske Stone Scholar" which Columbia had over-generously bestowed upon me, and having passed the New York bar exams, I knocked on the doors of some of the largest law firms in the world.
I recall one battery of interviews being carried out in a large hotel, where prospective lawyers would shuttle in and out of the rooms, each occupied by interviewers from the firms.
A fellow prospector asked me, "Which other profession requires you to shuttle from hotel room to hotel room?"
"Prostitution," I remarked, and we both laughed.
It proved a prophetic statement, for when touring the offices of prospective firms, instead of feeling pumped, I felt horrified by the all-too familiar office layout, the mounds of paper spilling onto the floor, the designer suits thrown over the backs of chairs.The last straw came when a partner of one Midtown firm patted me on the back and said, "I think you'd be perfect to help work on our port project out in Saudi Arabia!"
It suddenly hit me that I was not embarking on real change at all. I was merely rearranging the furniture. Like a good little boy, I had made all the pragmatic, sensible decisions… and it was about to push me into the abyss. I was still trying to achieve the Singaporean Dream, except overseas, and on a larger scale. Well, not exactly…
It was then that I understood the difference between the Singaporean Dream and the Singaporean Plan. And what is the difference?I suppose the Dream has to be one of searching for peace and the liberty to conduct one's life as one sees fit.
That's probably what my ancestors sought when they left China: the governments of the Ming and Manchu were ruthlessly restrictive of cross-border commerce, the lifeblood of my ethnic Hokkien and Teochew forbears.
And no doubt it was the Dream, fueled by hard work and courage, that has made Singapore the indisputable commercial success it is today.
And our story is a wonderful one: the Little Island That Could.
However, invariably once people attain success, they start to canonize the steps they took to achievement. This is how Dreams become Plans, and how one hegemony replaces another: the search for peace and liberty becomes get into a good school, then a good university, then a stable job, then buy property and stock. The problem is, then what?
There is nothing inherently unique about the Singaporean Dream. The American Dream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is substantially the same. (And especially in the upper middle class, the American Dream is fast becoming a Plan too: prep school, Ivy League, Wall Street.)
But what to me gives America more hope is that they still celebrate mavericks; they may never find happiness, but their liberty to pursue it is sacred.
My experience in Singapore was, however, very different. There were always people telling you what and how you should do things, and imposing penalties for deviation. There were 'right' schools, 'right' professions, 'right' strategies.
Of course there are those who would argue that ultimately, the choice is one’s own and that there is nothing to prevent one from doing what he or she wants in Singapore. After all, isn’t it one’s fault for caving in to peer pressure? I would humbly submit that while theoretically true, such an argument betrays an ignorance of the combined workings of hegemony and power.
The issue is how expansive the reigning ideology is. In Singapore, the dominant view is to do whatever works (whatever that may be, and regardless of who it worked for). In New York (I won't pretend that America is homogeneous), the prevailing view is that everyone should find what makes him or herself unique, and capitalize on that.
Manhattan is smaller than Singapore, yet there is space for both Wall Street Wizards and Alphabet City Shamans to coexist. Despite occasional border skirmishes, there is recognition that the city would be a lot poorer if everyone marched to the same drum.An overly romantic myth? Perhaps. But that such a myth could persist in a hostile and cynical environment like New York, was encouraging to me. And anyway, the 'fulfillment' promised by the Singapore Plan was equally illusory. In a competition of myths, I chose the one that gave the most latitude to one's passions over the one that indulged one's fears.
JOYCELN: I think the most striking thing about New York is that so many people here are in transition. They don’t know where they are going to be or what they are going to be doing in 6 months’ time. But they are all working towards their individual dreams, in their own individual way, and not according to some mandated blueprint or destination.
The receptionist in my building is also an actor. I recently met a waitress who was a graduate student in philosophy. I have classmates who are not only still at work, but who also shoot films whenever they can.
Until New York, I didn’t know I could be poor and still volunteer to help others who are more needy than me - not tomorrow, or next year, or when my income reaches a certain level, but today.
I now tutor the children in my neighborhood who need help but can't afford to pay. I didn’t know how great it feels to be able to write, and express my anger, worries, and joys. I didn't know that if I am dissatisfied by policies, I can get together with others to express it.
Just last week, there was a public school that was boycotting a state-mandated test because the test was taking away precious instructional time. What a novel idea! I didn’t know I was not alone, that there are other Singaporeans who think like I do, who want to make a difference but who are afraid and are so used to being silent.
COLIN: The insidiousness is this: in adhering to the Singaporean Plan, I was acting pragmatically, but ultimately, dishonestly.
As late as the interlude between pupilage and practice, I had written a play that was performed for the Singapore Arts Festival Fringe, for which the British Council had sponsored me to attend the Royal Court Theatre in London's prestigious theatre school. Further, throughout my years of practice, I also managed to continue cartooning The Concrete Jungle. While I enjoyed writing and drawing, never for a second did I think this might be a career. Worse, I felt compelled to downgrade their importance in my life. First was money, then pleasure. It was simply un-Singaporean to think one could get pleasure without money, or that working should be pleasurable.
But now I refuse to postpone my dreams any further, and shelve them under some misguided notion of pragmatism. How often was I told as a child by my elders, "wait till you grow up," "wait till after exams", "wait till after you graduate". I do not desire to wait until I retire. I might not make it that far. I refuse to be a walking mid-life crisis in the making.
But living one's dreams is difficult because it is a lone undertaking. There is no such thing as shared dreams; they are personal creatures. And while my peers are making partner and buying cars, I live in rented student accommodation and scatter my work to the ocean of publications, hoping for a bite. Thus far, I have only been published a couple of times, far from being enough to pay the rent. Yet I do not feel despair. Trite as it may sound, I recognize that life is about the journey, and not the destination.
JOYCELN: In Singapore, a considerable amount of talk in education has been about continuing to be competitive in the global marketplace. Singapore seems to have done well in this respect - we have consistently come in first in the International Math and Science Study.
But in tandem with the fear of losing out on notional global competitiveness is the willingness of many educators, policy-makers, and parents to "train" the young to delay their dreams, desires and play for a future goal, to "wait till after you finish your homework," to "wait till after the exams" while at the same time plying them with material bribes.
On the global front, it is ironic that the US is trying to emphasize academic standards while Japan, who also finished in the top ranks of the International Math and Science Study, is trying to cut down on the curriculum to allow more time for play. Both cite global competitiveness as their reason for doing so. One wonders as a country, whether we are listening to the everyday experiences of our own children, parents and teachers, or simply responding to some speculative construction of what is needed to be competitive.
Can anyone say for sure what's needed? Only a few months ago, countries cried out for schools to produce more dotcommers. A look at the rollercoaster line that is the NASDAQ should be cause for circumspection.
There are signs that children in Singapore are straining under this ethos. Recent newspapers reports have reported that parents are spending an inordinate amount of money and time to send their children for after-school tuition so that they can achieve better results; scoring high marks in tests and exams have been found to be a top concern for students; the average 10 year-old has been found to spend 6 hours in school and up to 8 hours on homework and tuition each day, and, students have been reported to experience physical reactions such as diarrhoea and asthma attacks during or just before exams. Is this education, or child labor? Has scoring well in tests become the reason for tests themselves? How do teachers, parents, and teachers begin to imagine our lives differently?
COLIN: I think it is important not to wholly discredit the Singapore Plan. It worked for some and may yet work for others. However, it is also true that the road to hell is paved with good intentions and that it is always an error to confuse what is with what ought to be.
JOYCELN: Consider these 2 stories. Which is closer to yours?
You wake up everyday and work from Monday to Friday, and often, Saturday too. If you finish work early, you and your partner go to your parents’ place for dinner and see your child for a few hours. If you work late, you buy a packet of char kway teow from the hawker centre but eat it at home because it’s too warm to eat there. You’re not crazy about the job but you know that if you keep at it, you can afford a car in 3 years’ time, and in 5 years’ time, buy a condo close to the primary school you want to send your kid to. Your conversations with people are either for the purpose of networking, work, or for familial obligations you cannot avoid. On weekends, you play golf with your friends at your country club or watch a movie with your partner. Once a year, you go on a ten day vacation to New York, London, or Paris, and when your children are big enough, Disneyland.
Alternatively, you wake up and you have no idea what is going to happen today, tomorrow, 6 months or a year later. Ironically, because of this uncertainty, all possibilities exist for you. You can be the Prime Minister of Singapore, you can make a movie, you can cook a meal you have never cooked before, eat at a place you have never eaten before, you can color your hair red, you can skip instead of walk, you can volunteer at the school you have always wanted to volunteer at, you can write a book, or you can have a baby even though you don’t have a maid. You have conversations with people who set your heart palpitating and your mind on fire. Your weekday is not so different from your weekend because everyday you are thinking, creating, and more important, imagining.
Most of us recognize the first story and its pursuit of the 5 Cs of “cash, condo, car, country club, credit card.” It is the Plan, which imposes a conclusion on you, and you work in order to make all the pieces fit. A bus stop advertisement I saw recently said it best: "We spend all our youth chasing money, and when we attain it, we spend all our money chasing youth."
A Dream, on the other hand, carries you on its wings to worlds that your heart and mind have never known.
COLIN: My fault was accepting that the Plan would naturally work for me. One doesn’t have to accept a legacy one inherits. I was complicit in my unhappiness. I did not question enough, whether it was my elders, the government, newspapers, consultants, whatever. I foolishly let others make up my mind for me. I rather fear I am not alone in this folly.
If there is any blame to be laid, it is the upholding of a compliant, unquestioning culture; that some people should never be challenged because of age, status or whatever. It is not solely the establishment's fault; all political parties are entitled to play politics. But it is wholly our fault for not fighting for what we believe in.
COLIN & JOYCELN: Criticism and disagreement is not treason, and our words emanate as much from our dissatisfaction with, as our love for Singapore. We simply believe that we are more than our legacy. This is the dream of immigrants everywhere, whether they arrive in Singapore or on Ellis Island.
PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS:How living in New York has illuminated for us the difference between the Singaporean Dream and the Singaporean PlanBy Colin Goh & Joyceln Woo Yen Yen
Former lawyer turned writer/cartoonist Colin Goh and educator Joyceln Woo are married and have been living in New York for the past three years.
COLIN & JOYCELN: We fell in love and in June 1998, we got married - true Singaporean style. The studio photography, the clothes, church, the dinner and the hundred of guests that we had never met before. What happened to us after that was not so typically Singaporean. Here are our stories.
JOYCELN: As a child, I could never sleep the night before the first day of school. The night before my first day of teaching was no different. I didn’t know what to expect but I knew that I was going to help kids learn, be the best teacher, and make a difference.
At my first staff meeting, the principal screened an image familiar to all new schoolteachers - the Prism. Like a magical crystal ball, the Prism told many things. It could predict how well students entering secondary school with 4 subjects at PSLE would do for the ‘O’ levels. With the Prism, we could evaluate each student’s potential grade in literature based on his/her PSLE grades and then tell if our school had “added value” to the child’s education.
Looking into the Prism, the principal announced that while she was concerned about the various aspects of development - Intellectual, Aesthetic, Moral, and Physical - “This year, our school will focus on the Intellectual.” By this, she meant that as teachers, we should all ensure that we stretched the potential of the students so that they performed “better than expected” at the ‘O’ levels. I noticed in the subsequent years that we never decided to focus on any other aspect of development. There was never an Aesthetic, Moral or Physical year.
The conversations in the staff room educated me considerably about the concerns of teachers.
“Oh, I heard you bought the new condo in Bukit Batok, that’s a good investment…”
“So which piano school are you sending your child to now?”
“Do you want to go buy diamonds with us, we are going to buy diamonds this afternoon.”
In my naïveté, this came as a shock. Why weren’t teachers talking about helping students learn or improving instruction?
And when they WERE talking about improving instruction, it was invariably:
“So what questions do you think will come out for this year’s ‘O’ levels?”
“Yes! Yes! I spotted the right questions!”
“You have to make sure your students write 5 ‘compositions’ and do 5 ‘comprehensions’ this semester.”
And when questions were asked, the answer was inevitably “Can’t change. That’s what the principal wants to see.”
The culture in the staff room was a mix of different groups:
· the Tai-Tais, women who had married well-off husbands, and who admired, respected and competed with each other for their Ferragamo shoes and Louis Vuitton bags.
· the few unmarried men who were mothered by the Tai-Tais as they were regarded as “good” men (i.e. hardworking and honest) but ironically insufficiently compelling marriage material (for why on earth would a functioning, virile, desirable man become a teacher?).
· the married men who usually lived in HDB flats (unlike the Tai-Tais and their non-teacher husbands), who generally kept to themselves.
· the older single women who were diligent in ensuring that all forms are handed in on time and helping students who need extra help get the preferred grades. They were usually more conservatively (and cheaply) dressed, and did not generally interact socially with the Tai-Tais.
· the expatriate teachers who were generally avoided by the other teachers and not expected to do very much because they either could not be trusted to do the work, were too difficult to communicate with, or were too troublesome to work with. And when they got together, they made plain their disdain for Singapore and its school system of which they were a part. Stereotypical as it may sound, those I’d met had invariably come to Singapore either to heal from a broken marriage (in which case, getting involved with a local woman usually came with the package), or had fled an unsuccessful career so they could return home and say, “I spent a few years in the Orient.”
· And the young teachers, bright-eyed and bushytailed, who believed they could make a difference, and who usually started out immensely popular with the students. They organized extra activities which they were not required to do, sat with students for long hours when they had problems, and generally tried to innovate with teaching. The Tai-Tais usually tried to matchmake the young single female teachers with single men they knew, but never the single male teachers. Seasoned teachers generally sat back and placed bets on when the neophytes would eventually burn out.
I didn’t know a single lazy teacher - everyone was extremely hardworking, taking work home, often physically running around as they hurried to different parts of the school. The teachers hardly had time to rest and reflect. It was as if we had been trained to work hard, but not to think.
What unites Secondary 4 teachers is the common goal of ensuring their students score well in the ‘O’ levels - preferably better in the subject that they teach rather than in another subject. Success is defined largely in terms of how many As produced in their class.
I remember one year distinctly - the school had done well in history and the Sec 4 history teacher was jumping up and down in glee, like she had won a war. On the other hand, the students hadn’t done as well in literature and the teacher was walking around with her head down, wishing that the bulletin board with the results didn’t place the teacher’s name next to the results of each class. While everyone congratulated the history teacher on doing well in spotting the right questions, we all didn’t know what to say to the literature teacher. We sort of patted her shoulder as if someone had died.
And for non-Sec 4 teachers, our overriding concern was assigning the required number of tests and exercises and grading them. Each semester, all our students had to submit binders containing their completed and graded assignments. And each semester, the teachers would spend several days of class time ensuring that the students had everything in place, as the submission of completed binders were a factor in a teacher’s evaluation. The binders would disappear for months because it would take the Head of Department that long to go through the binders and count how many assignments had been completed. It didn’t seem to matter if the teacher had taken 5 minutes to grade each composition or 30 minutes to make sure that the students received meaningful feedback. What was important was that the assignments were there.
I felt both angry and guilty that my idealism constantly came up against so many artificial obstacles. I felt that the obsession with bookkeeping and papering over any mistakes, real or perceived, allowed neither time nor space for innovation. Further, the mania to deliver standardized results trumped the notion of harnessing individual potential, of the teachers and the students.Worse, I felt I could not raise these issues. There was a culture of silence.
My experiences are not about bad principals or teachers in particular. It is about ways of being and seeing that represent to me, the Singapore legacy that I have inherited. The principals and teachers that I talked about are not to blame individually - it is just so difficult to be and to see otherwise in the busy-ness, routines, and duties of our everyday lives.
I decided to leave to pursue graduate studies. Teacher education in Singapore is tilted more to the vocational than the intellectual and I wanted the space, time and knowledge to help me articulate and frame what I was thinking and feeling. On a more pragmatic level, I knew that nobody took the feelings of groundling teachers seriously and that people would probably listen to me more if I had a doctorate. I was disappointed, but still hopeful.
COLIN: I remember my first visit to New York. I had just graduated in law from University College London, and had several months before I was scheduled to take the English bar exams. Where most of my friends had chosen to do attachments with Singaporean law firms with the prudent aim of acclimatizing themselves with the career-to-come, I was paralysed with a single, terrible thought: "These are the last few months I'll ever have to indulge my youthful passions."
In an impulsive moment, and much to my parents’ annoyance, I blew every last cent I had and wangled myself a place in a cartooning course at Manhattan's School of Visual Art. I had been cartooning for The New Paper for several years by then (my comic strip The Concrete Jungle continues to run in their august pages), but had no formal training.
I chose Manhattan because it was supposed to be the cynosure of the creative world, and most important of all, where Marvel and DC Comics had their headquarters. Where else would one study cartooning but in Spiderman's territory?
Those few months were the most mind-blowing of my life. By day, I was either sequestered in a musty studio sketching Brazilian women or wandering the varied New York neighbourhoods. By night, I hung out with the other residents of the international hostel I was staying at - a diverse crowd of students from Argentina to Kazakhstan and everywhere in between. I had always thought Singapore to be a model of diversity and cosmopolitan progress, but over countless milkshake-fueled discussions in East Village hangouts, I felt like the proverbial mountain tortoise.
It was also the first time I began to question the path I was about to take. I was meeting people who were taking chances and simply following the dictates of their passion, whether it was art, dance or securities.
I had studied law largely because it was often cited it as the next best thing after medicine, which I knew I'd be awful at. Besides, SM Lee was a lawyer. What better endorsement could a Singaporean have? Despite being a published cartoonist and writer by then, I never thought about a career in the arts. It was a completely nonexistent option.
What was worse was that my parents never forced me into law. I just read their minds, I guess. Besides, all my friends seemed to be doing it too. It was the Singaporean Dream.
I also remember in my first year in law school, my parents telling me about SM Lee's now seminal "If I were an undergraduate" speech, where he told JC students that were he a student now, he would not study law; he would be an engineer, join the civil service, then obtain an MBA and thereafter enter the private sector. SM Lee had switched from Coke to Pepsi. There was a New Dream.
For a moment, I thought, well, if I'm yesterday’s man, I might as well deviate from the path altogether. However, that year, the Singapore government decided it had too many lawyers and restricted the number of recognized overseas law schools. A rumour began spreading amongst the legal undergrad community that it wouldn't be long before they didn't recognize British qualifications altogether. We had to hurry and enter the Singapore workforce as soon as possible, before we were shut out. (As we now know, the rumour was unfounded, and Singapore now admits it needs more lawyers.)
Nevertheless, out of prudence, I shelved any thought of changing fields and became a barrister, then an advocate and solicitor of the Supreme Court of Singapore.
I joined a large law firm, again largely because it was commonly believed that it was good to bloody oneself in the trenches of the giants. I practiced shipping law, again an extremely prudent choice, what with our being the world's busiest port. Further, it was perceived as exciting because shipping lawyers often had to go out to sea to arrest ships. (In truth, arresting ships is not vastly different from what loansharks do when they hang pig's heads on debtors' doors.)
I had a decent, almost enviable, income. I had to keep telling myself that, because the lifestyle was neither decent nor enviable.Clients called me at 2 am in the morning. The High Court Registry nicknamed me "Mr. 5 O'Clock" because I regularly filed papers right under the guillotine, never of my own volition. My only pleasure was catching up on industry gossip while waiting in line to argue before the court registrars. There was not a single Chinese New Year holiday where I would not find myself in the office. My parents only caught fleeting glimpses of me early in the morning when I rushed to work, or late at night, when I stumbled in, surly and mentally exhausted. I saw Joyceln, then simply my girlfriend, for a few precious, stolen hours on Sundays.
But I had the job, and more important, the income. They brought me a measure of social acceptability. Parents' friends would nod approvingly, non-lawyer friends would remark how much lower their salaries were. I made enough to afford membership in a club I never had time to step into, and for season parking in town. I had credit cards and designer ties. I could share war stories about work that might have seemed glamourous to non-lawyer friends, weaned as they were on a diet of Ally McBeal. I was in the secure embrace of the Singaporean Dream.
My epiphany came as I was descending the gangway of a very large oil tanker. At a height of ten storeys or more, the gangway abruptly slipped its moorings and fell several feet. I found myself in mid air for several terrifying seconds. Luckily the crew managed to secure it again. As I retrieved my dropped manhood, I saw bits of the vessel fall into the sea below. If I had not held tight to the chains, I would be dead.
When I told my colleagues about it, no one batted an eyelid. It was simply one of the hazards of the job, like the long hours and the symbolic fellating of clients. Some even quipped, "Who says law isn't exciting?" But working late that night in the stale air of my office, surrounded by musty documents and lit by the sickly iridescence of my computer monitor, I knew I had to get out.My brush with death made me reflect on my life, as I suppose all encounters with the reaper must do. I realized I was unhappy. Not weeping-and-gnashing-of-teeth unhappy, just that dull ache of uninspiration. Yet, on paper, I should have been completely content.
My conviction was reinforced when I passed my boss's office and saw her toiling away. Much more senior, she was still keeping the crazy hours of a junior lawyer. She had a brilliant mind, equity in a giant and prestigious firm and a sizeable income, but I realized that I didn't aspire to her lifestyle. And she was by no means unique. If I did not aspire to be my boss, then what was the point? My life stretched before my eyes, and I did not want to take another step in its direction.
I then made a classic Singaporean evaluation: if I'm going to suffer, then by god, I'll suffer for more money. I figured American lawyers make the most money, so that's where I'll go. I decided the fastest way to do this would be to do a one year Master’s degree, preferably in an Ivy League university, since it would provide me ingress into the American market.
I spoke to Joyceln, and told her that the only place I wanted to go was New York, because I wanted to recapture a little of that energy I had felt years ago. Despite some reservations (New York has a not wholly undeserved reputation), we both applied to Columbia University, New York’s only Ivy League university. Miraculously, we were both accepted.
We quit our jobs, got married, emptied our bank accounts and left immediately.
JOYCELN: When applying to do my doctorate at Columbia's famous Teachers College, I spoke to several professors at the only education institution in Singapore to find out about possible financial support. I had intended to study curriculum and technology, and felt my experience teaching as well as a stint designing educational software in an IT firm would be valuable.
However, the door was abruptly slammed in my face when I was told over the phone, "If you are not in computer science, and not a first class graduate, there is nothing we need to talk about."
Perhaps spurred by anger, I worked like a demon at Teachers College and earned several academic awards, including a doctoral research fellowship which covered both tuition and a stipend, and came unencumbered by any bond, moral or otherwise. The myopia with which I had been treated had ironically turned out to be a blessing.
I even met with our Education Minister when he visited Teachers College. Of the questions he asked me, two stood out: "When are you going back to Singapore?" and "When are you going to have babies?" It hit me that I had never spoken to the Minister when I was teaching in Singapore. I wondered: am I valuable to the country only after I leave?
COLIN: Armed with a Masters from Columbia Law School and the grandiose title of "Harlan Fiske Stone Scholar" which Columbia had over-generously bestowed upon me, and having passed the New York bar exams, I knocked on the doors of some of the largest law firms in the world.
I recall one battery of interviews being carried out in a large hotel, where prospective lawyers would shuttle in and out of the rooms, each occupied by interviewers from the firms.
A fellow prospector asked me, "Which other profession requires you to shuttle from hotel room to hotel room?"
"Prostitution," I remarked, and we both laughed.
It proved a prophetic statement, for when touring the offices of prospective firms, instead of feeling pumped, I felt horrified by the all-too familiar office layout, the mounds of paper spilling onto the floor, the designer suits thrown over the backs of chairs.The last straw came when a partner of one Midtown firm patted me on the back and said, "I think you'd be perfect to help work on our port project out in Saudi Arabia!"
It suddenly hit me that I was not embarking on real change at all. I was merely rearranging the furniture. Like a good little boy, I had made all the pragmatic, sensible decisions… and it was about to push me into the abyss. I was still trying to achieve the Singaporean Dream, except overseas, and on a larger scale. Well, not exactly…
It was then that I understood the difference between the Singaporean Dream and the Singaporean Plan. And what is the difference?I suppose the Dream has to be one of searching for peace and the liberty to conduct one's life as one sees fit.
That's probably what my ancestors sought when they left China: the governments of the Ming and Manchu were ruthlessly restrictive of cross-border commerce, the lifeblood of my ethnic Hokkien and Teochew forbears.
And no doubt it was the Dream, fueled by hard work and courage, that has made Singapore the indisputable commercial success it is today.
And our story is a wonderful one: the Little Island That Could.
However, invariably once people attain success, they start to canonize the steps they took to achievement. This is how Dreams become Plans, and how one hegemony replaces another: the search for peace and liberty becomes get into a good school, then a good university, then a stable job, then buy property and stock. The problem is, then what?
There is nothing inherently unique about the Singaporean Dream. The American Dream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is substantially the same. (And especially in the upper middle class, the American Dream is fast becoming a Plan too: prep school, Ivy League, Wall Street.)
But what to me gives America more hope is that they still celebrate mavericks; they may never find happiness, but their liberty to pursue it is sacred.
My experience in Singapore was, however, very different. There were always people telling you what and how you should do things, and imposing penalties for deviation. There were 'right' schools, 'right' professions, 'right' strategies.
Of course there are those who would argue that ultimately, the choice is one’s own and that there is nothing to prevent one from doing what he or she wants in Singapore. After all, isn’t it one’s fault for caving in to peer pressure? I would humbly submit that while theoretically true, such an argument betrays an ignorance of the combined workings of hegemony and power.
The issue is how expansive the reigning ideology is. In Singapore, the dominant view is to do whatever works (whatever that may be, and regardless of who it worked for). In New York (I won't pretend that America is homogeneous), the prevailing view is that everyone should find what makes him or herself unique, and capitalize on that.
Manhattan is smaller than Singapore, yet there is space for both Wall Street Wizards and Alphabet City Shamans to coexist. Despite occasional border skirmishes, there is recognition that the city would be a lot poorer if everyone marched to the same drum.An overly romantic myth? Perhaps. But that such a myth could persist in a hostile and cynical environment like New York, was encouraging to me. And anyway, the 'fulfillment' promised by the Singapore Plan was equally illusory. In a competition of myths, I chose the one that gave the most latitude to one's passions over the one that indulged one's fears.
JOYCELN: I think the most striking thing about New York is that so many people here are in transition. They don’t know where they are going to be or what they are going to be doing in 6 months’ time. But they are all working towards their individual dreams, in their own individual way, and not according to some mandated blueprint or destination.
The receptionist in my building is also an actor. I recently met a waitress who was a graduate student in philosophy. I have classmates who are not only still at work, but who also shoot films whenever they can.
Until New York, I didn’t know I could be poor and still volunteer to help others who are more needy than me - not tomorrow, or next year, or when my income reaches a certain level, but today.
I now tutor the children in my neighborhood who need help but can't afford to pay. I didn’t know how great it feels to be able to write, and express my anger, worries, and joys. I didn't know that if I am dissatisfied by policies, I can get together with others to express it.
Just last week, there was a public school that was boycotting a state-mandated test because the test was taking away precious instructional time. What a novel idea! I didn’t know I was not alone, that there are other Singaporeans who think like I do, who want to make a difference but who are afraid and are so used to being silent.
COLIN: The insidiousness is this: in adhering to the Singaporean Plan, I was acting pragmatically, but ultimately, dishonestly.
As late as the interlude between pupilage and practice, I had written a play that was performed for the Singapore Arts Festival Fringe, for which the British Council had sponsored me to attend the Royal Court Theatre in London's prestigious theatre school. Further, throughout my years of practice, I also managed to continue cartooning The Concrete Jungle. While I enjoyed writing and drawing, never for a second did I think this might be a career. Worse, I felt compelled to downgrade their importance in my life. First was money, then pleasure. It was simply un-Singaporean to think one could get pleasure without money, or that working should be pleasurable.
But now I refuse to postpone my dreams any further, and shelve them under some misguided notion of pragmatism. How often was I told as a child by my elders, "wait till you grow up," "wait till after exams", "wait till after you graduate". I do not desire to wait until I retire. I might not make it that far. I refuse to be a walking mid-life crisis in the making.
But living one's dreams is difficult because it is a lone undertaking. There is no such thing as shared dreams; they are personal creatures. And while my peers are making partner and buying cars, I live in rented student accommodation and scatter my work to the ocean of publications, hoping for a bite. Thus far, I have only been published a couple of times, far from being enough to pay the rent. Yet I do not feel despair. Trite as it may sound, I recognize that life is about the journey, and not the destination.
JOYCELN: In Singapore, a considerable amount of talk in education has been about continuing to be competitive in the global marketplace. Singapore seems to have done well in this respect - we have consistently come in first in the International Math and Science Study.
But in tandem with the fear of losing out on notional global competitiveness is the willingness of many educators, policy-makers, and parents to "train" the young to delay their dreams, desires and play for a future goal, to "wait till after you finish your homework," to "wait till after the exams" while at the same time plying them with material bribes.
On the global front, it is ironic that the US is trying to emphasize academic standards while Japan, who also finished in the top ranks of the International Math and Science Study, is trying to cut down on the curriculum to allow more time for play. Both cite global competitiveness as their reason for doing so. One wonders as a country, whether we are listening to the everyday experiences of our own children, parents and teachers, or simply responding to some speculative construction of what is needed to be competitive.
Can anyone say for sure what's needed? Only a few months ago, countries cried out for schools to produce more dotcommers. A look at the rollercoaster line that is the NASDAQ should be cause for circumspection.
There are signs that children in Singapore are straining under this ethos. Recent newspapers reports have reported that parents are spending an inordinate amount of money and time to send their children for after-school tuition so that they can achieve better results; scoring high marks in tests and exams have been found to be a top concern for students; the average 10 year-old has been found to spend 6 hours in school and up to 8 hours on homework and tuition each day, and, students have been reported to experience physical reactions such as diarrhoea and asthma attacks during or just before exams. Is this education, or child labor? Has scoring well in tests become the reason for tests themselves? How do teachers, parents, and teachers begin to imagine our lives differently?
COLIN: I think it is important not to wholly discredit the Singapore Plan. It worked for some and may yet work for others. However, it is also true that the road to hell is paved with good intentions and that it is always an error to confuse what is with what ought to be.
JOYCELN: Consider these 2 stories. Which is closer to yours?
You wake up everyday and work from Monday to Friday, and often, Saturday too. If you finish work early, you and your partner go to your parents’ place for dinner and see your child for a few hours. If you work late, you buy a packet of char kway teow from the hawker centre but eat it at home because it’s too warm to eat there. You’re not crazy about the job but you know that if you keep at it, you can afford a car in 3 years’ time, and in 5 years’ time, buy a condo close to the primary school you want to send your kid to. Your conversations with people are either for the purpose of networking, work, or for familial obligations you cannot avoid. On weekends, you play golf with your friends at your country club or watch a movie with your partner. Once a year, you go on a ten day vacation to New York, London, or Paris, and when your children are big enough, Disneyland.
Alternatively, you wake up and you have no idea what is going to happen today, tomorrow, 6 months or a year later. Ironically, because of this uncertainty, all possibilities exist for you. You can be the Prime Minister of Singapore, you can make a movie, you can cook a meal you have never cooked before, eat at a place you have never eaten before, you can color your hair red, you can skip instead of walk, you can volunteer at the school you have always wanted to volunteer at, you can write a book, or you can have a baby even though you don’t have a maid. You have conversations with people who set your heart palpitating and your mind on fire. Your weekday is not so different from your weekend because everyday you are thinking, creating, and more important, imagining.
Most of us recognize the first story and its pursuit of the 5 Cs of “cash, condo, car, country club, credit card.” It is the Plan, which imposes a conclusion on you, and you work in order to make all the pieces fit. A bus stop advertisement I saw recently said it best: "We spend all our youth chasing money, and when we attain it, we spend all our money chasing youth."
A Dream, on the other hand, carries you on its wings to worlds that your heart and mind have never known.
COLIN: My fault was accepting that the Plan would naturally work for me. One doesn’t have to accept a legacy one inherits. I was complicit in my unhappiness. I did not question enough, whether it was my elders, the government, newspapers, consultants, whatever. I foolishly let others make up my mind for me. I rather fear I am not alone in this folly.
If there is any blame to be laid, it is the upholding of a compliant, unquestioning culture; that some people should never be challenged because of age, status or whatever. It is not solely the establishment's fault; all political parties are entitled to play politics. But it is wholly our fault for not fighting for what we believe in.
COLIN & JOYCELN: Criticism and disagreement is not treason, and our words emanate as much from our dissatisfaction with, as our love for Singapore. We simply believe that we are more than our legacy. This is the dream of immigrants everywhere, whether they arrive in Singapore or on Ellis Island.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
sports day
for someone so busy and so lack of sleep, I am blogging quite a bit.
anyhow, there is a chance i will be back this june/july for an internship posting. not confirmed the bank as yet but will be in singapore (about 99% sure) and all of a sudden a strange sadness descend upon me, a heavy feeling that I cannot shake. After these intense 5 months here, this place, this life has grown to be a part of me. Life is SIngapore seemed like a distant dream... but to see all of you again will be a big bonus.
Anyway we had sports day just this sat. was great fun and for a while everyone put our mountain of deadlines at the back of our heads. Here's some of my classmates...and me ...
anyhow, there is a chance i will be back this june/july for an internship posting. not confirmed the bank as yet but will be in singapore (about 99% sure) and all of a sudden a strange sadness descend upon me, a heavy feeling that I cannot shake. After these intense 5 months here, this place, this life has grown to be a part of me. Life is SIngapore seemed like a distant dream... but to see all of you again will be a big bonus.
Anyway we had sports day just this sat. was great fun and for a while everyone put our mountain of deadlines at the back of our heads. Here's some of my classmates...and me ...
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
How important is it to have opposition win some seats
far away from home, i have taken to reading the straits times online regularly and now the main news are of the upcoming general elections, what struck me was that almost all ( or maybe in fact all) the news regarding GE were about the PAP? Does that hint that the newspaper is a little bias in this sense or that our opposition party are not making use of the media enough to get themseleves notices besides capturing headlines by being sued to bankruptcy by u know whos.
What really made me took notice was how bent the PAP is on winning back the only 2 seats that we have represented by the opposition. SM even said he will be the "resource person" for the Potong Pasir GC and hint that it will be easier for upgrading now if the consituency votes PAP. I fear we are going to become a truly single party nation very soon.
THis then raise the question, how important it is to have opposition? I have encountered many times people here who commented that SIngapore is a dictatorship...often i laugh to myself and in typical Asian manner conclude that these western do not know anything. But really before we make such statements as these, we will have then to reask ourselves how much we know about the Westerns? But i digress. But this is the image we project to those in te general, that and the notorious chewing gum law, but also our amazing ability in turning around our little nation from a thrid world nothing to a first class city in less than 50 years. For this I have to give credit to our enlightened leaders. So what if we have a so called dictatorship when this has proved to work for us as a nation? I am watching how this election will turn out. :-)
What really made me took notice was how bent the PAP is on winning back the only 2 seats that we have represented by the opposition. SM even said he will be the "resource person" for the Potong Pasir GC and hint that it will be easier for upgrading now if the consituency votes PAP. I fear we are going to become a truly single party nation very soon.
THis then raise the question, how important it is to have opposition? I have encountered many times people here who commented that SIngapore is a dictatorship...often i laugh to myself and in typical Asian manner conclude that these western do not know anything. But really before we make such statements as these, we will have then to reask ourselves how much we know about the Westerns? But i digress. But this is the image we project to those in te general, that and the notorious chewing gum law, but also our amazing ability in turning around our little nation from a thrid world nothing to a first class city in less than 50 years. For this I have to give credit to our enlightened leaders. So what if we have a so called dictatorship when this has proved to work for us as a nation? I am watching how this election will turn out. :-)
Monday, March 27, 2006
My tribute to that yellow daffodil
it was that early daffodil, lone in full blossom, yellow petals becokoning to anyone who notices it. Months of bareness and melancholic winter over and spring emerges slowly, shy like a little girl peering from under her white blanket...
Saturday, March 18, 2006
all the world's a stage...and the men and women merely players
i am starting to feel like I am stuck in a big farce....its all abt image and playing the game right in this place and the rebellious side in me is starting to surface; to just not play the game right...
but really why compromise myself? I guess being young still, there is no excuse yet to get jaded about politics and playing games cos the fittest survives.
Positive people dont let it drag them down but see how they can play it best wihtout compromising their own values.
well okay just needed to rant and say this place sucks but I am going to build my own little sunshine corner and be the positive person....
but really why compromise myself? I guess being young still, there is no excuse yet to get jaded about politics and playing games cos the fittest survives.
Positive people dont let it drag them down but see how they can play it best wihtout compromising their own values.
well okay just needed to rant and say this place sucks but I am going to build my own little sunshine corner and be the positive person....
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Who has my books?
Hi ladies... where's my "Tuesdays with Morrie" and "Monkey business"? Can whoever's holding onto them kindly drop me a sms .. coz I need them back. :) Thanks
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Movie last night
Hey gals, as i said.. i went to watch Munich last night ... until 12.30am!! But at least it was really really good... a very heavy and interesting movie ...
family vs country
Jews vs Muslim
Mossad vs CIA vs KGB
Jew vs Jew
Brotherhood, love, betrayal, withdrawal syndrome, sympathy, love of mankind
Fatherhood, family, single, adultery, temptation
For God vs For self....
Over 1 yr period....
all within just one show.... love it....
and did i mention i went to GV gold class... it felt just like my bed, with blanket provided ...zzzz
family vs country
Jews vs Muslim
Mossad vs CIA vs KGB
Jew vs Jew
Brotherhood, love, betrayal, withdrawal syndrome, sympathy, love of mankind
Fatherhood, family, single, adultery, temptation
For God vs For self....
Over 1 yr period....
all within just one show.... love it....
and did i mention i went to GV gold class... it felt just like my bed, with blanket provided ...zzzz
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
what's going on
Things to keep in mind to blog about:
1) Maid ran away
2) Madza got crashed into
3) Back injuries due to accident
4) Got a replacement car for the damanaged Mazda, but my sister got into accident as well and crashed the car. Yes, 2 accidents in 1 day.
5) Phobia to drive and to travel in cars...
6) Overcame phobia to drive and yes, I've starting to drive alone again...
7) Someone wrote "Bitch" on my office chair.
8) Relationship with "Peahen" has never been better.
9) A good talk with my boss at Bar None.
10) My first client meeting today, which i nearly couldn't go coz someone decide to go on MC for 2 days - which i think is on purpose.
CJ asked me the other day if i have watched matchpoint, crash or munich? No, No, No... so much things, so much work... so much stress ...ok, I'm going to watch Munich tonight... i deserve a treat for myself.
1) Maid ran away
2) Madza got crashed into
3) Back injuries due to accident
4) Got a replacement car for the damanaged Mazda, but my sister got into accident as well and crashed the car. Yes, 2 accidents in 1 day.
5) Phobia to drive and to travel in cars...
6) Overcame phobia to drive and yes, I've starting to drive alone again...
7) Someone wrote "Bitch" on my office chair.
8) Relationship with "Peahen" has never been better.
9) A good talk with my boss at Bar None.
10) My first client meeting today, which i nearly couldn't go coz someone decide to go on MC for 2 days - which i think is on purpose.
CJ asked me the other day if i have watched matchpoint, crash or munich? No, No, No... so much things, so much work... so much stress ...ok, I'm going to watch Munich tonight... i deserve a treat for myself.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Thursday, March 02, 2006
"A" level results just came out, and it is deja vu all over again. My sis didn't do well enough to get a scholarship to go abroad though she wanted it so much.... just like I did... once. She pretty much scared my mum out of her wits when she called home and could only cry. She's better now, thank goodness, but I got the sinking feeling that she hasn't given up.
An office right in the middle of Manhattan you say, fishy? That's what dreams are made up of, I agree. I couldn't help having to stay put in little ol' Singapore, But at least I did my best to make the best out of the situation...and it made things a LOT better to be able to visit Ed in US to stay, travel, drive through the entire length of the country. He had what I didn't, but I got to share in the joy of what made being abroad exciting.
It's just easier to leave things to fate, but if fate decides to disagree with us, it would be a bitter pill to swallow.
The firm announced retention (100%) yesterday, and I will be doing Projects. Yet another secretary gave me an incredulous look today, like i just chose to send myself to the gallows. Few ppl had good things to say about Projects, but I shall leave it to Fate. I have come to a point where I am sick and tired of thinking, considering and re-considering. Nike says just do it. I think it is good advise - I'm young after all. Hard work and stress won't kill me. At most I'll look for some place else to go if I decide its not worth the grief.
We'll just see what hand Fate deals me.
An office right in the middle of Manhattan you say, fishy? That's what dreams are made up of, I agree. I couldn't help having to stay put in little ol' Singapore, But at least I did my best to make the best out of the situation...and it made things a LOT better to be able to visit Ed in US to stay, travel, drive through the entire length of the country. He had what I didn't, but I got to share in the joy of what made being abroad exciting.
It's just easier to leave things to fate, but if fate decides to disagree with us, it would be a bitter pill to swallow.
The firm announced retention (100%) yesterday, and I will be doing Projects. Yet another secretary gave me an incredulous look today, like i just chose to send myself to the gallows. Few ppl had good things to say about Projects, but I shall leave it to Fate. I have come to a point where I am sick and tired of thinking, considering and re-considering. Nike says just do it. I think it is good advise - I'm young after all. Hard work and stress won't kill me. At most I'll look for some place else to go if I decide its not worth the grief.
We'll just see what hand Fate deals me.
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